Most of the jokes below have been told me
by friends and collegaues. I have tried to indicate the source/origin
whenever
possible. In some
cases, I simply do not remember the source.
1. Homework Exercise: Show that the determinant of a
triangular matrix is equal to the product of entries on the diagonal.
Student’s Reaction: What you mean triangular
matrix, matrices are always rectangular!
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2. Wilhelm Magnus: “I
don’t mind writing student’s thesis, but I object when they come to
check the rate of my progress”
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3. S.Abhyankar: Towards the end of my first summer at
Harvard, i.e. late August or early September of 1952, one day I met
Zariski riding home on his bicycle. Seeing me he got down and we
chatted a bit. Then I asked him if I could have a reading course with
him that fall. Whereupon he asked me if I was going to
register for his course on algebraic curves. When I said I did not
know, he responded that then he would not give me a reading course. To
that I shrugged my shoulders, and he started riding away. After going a
bit he returned. Getting down from his bicycle , he asked me if I was
going to work with him. Again, when I said I did not know, he repeated
that he would not give me a reading course and started riding away.
After riding off a short distance he again returned. Again getting down
from his bicycle, he said: ”All right, you may have a reading course”.
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4. THEOREM: There exist infinitely many composite numbers.
Proof: Assume there are only finitely many of them: q1, q2, ... , qn.
Take their product and do not add 1.
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5. The point has non-zero zero homology and zero non-zero
homology.
(Igor Mineyev)
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6. Someone yells at a mathematician:"Say something positive!!!"
Mathematician: "Epsilon!"
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7. let zero
be less than epsilon ...
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8. From the preface of one graduate textbook in mathematics:
"This book is dedicated to my wife and to my daughter,
without whom it would have been written a year earlier".
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9. Quiz Question: "Give an example of an elliptic curve".
Answer: "Ellipse!"
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10. There are not many perfect men, just like perfect numbers.
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11. AMS Subject Classification List -
1. Functional Analysis.
2. Analytical Functions.
3. Geometric Algebra.
4. Algebraic Geometry.
5. Algebraic Topology.
6. Topological Algebra.
7. Geometric Analysis.
8. Analytical Geometry.
9. Geometric Topology.
10. Topologicl Geometry???
11. Algebraic Analysis.
12. Analytical Algebra.
13. Topological Analysis.
14. Analytical Topology???
The question marks will be deleted
as mathematics keeps developing! If you have never heard of areas
like "topological analysis" check with google.